There's a dvd out at the moment called 'Exotic dancing for the everyday woman'. I bloody well hope not, some of the 'everyday women' I see in my shop I would rather not picture them exotic dancing ... or any kind of dancing. I suppose for those women the 'exotic' bit would come along with the fact they'd have to put down the chips they're holding. Picture them as they writhe seductively in front of thier husbands in the white furniture clad bedrooms. Lank and greasy hair flicked back over the naked pasty shoulder as the ash from her Benson and Hedges falls onto her George from ASDA food stained t-shirt. Portishead's 'glory box' on the alba stereo as she mimes along to " I Just want to be a woman" with the half empty glass of bicardi in her hand she licks her lips, (to remove the crumbs from her pork pie), drinking sexily from her glass there's an audible hiss as the cigarette still in her mouth goes out. She whips of the bra in a flash and there's two slapping sounds as her breast hit her stomach. Imagine her peeling her leggings seductively over her large celulite covered thighs and hopping onto the waste paper bin as she forgot to take her shoes off. The light is visibly drawn from the room by the colour of her pendulous breasts as the haven't seen the light of day since she went to Magaluf in '86. Seeing her husband's enthusiasm waning as he begins to feel the effect of the third can of Tennants Extra and the Central heating on high she bends over to touch her toes and with the help of half a bottle of wonder tan and cellulite she resembles a three feet wide over ripe split orange. Can someone tell me why my manuscript for my erotic novel got turned down?
Oh well onto tonight's post a compilation from the good old days when Radio 1 FM was still good. In the evenings at least anyway. This is Steve 'I look like a ferenghi' Lamacq and Smiley Jo Whiley. It features session tracks and some really good music by the likes of pulp, paul weller, orbital, ash and loads more 41 tracks in total.