"Here they come again hop scotching up to my door One by one again knockety knock knocking upon my floor Swinging on my gate they gain entry by the yard Pulling at my hair they scream paint your thoughts upon my card."
My god it's just occured to me that my blog is two years old. Woo! And they said it wouldn't last, well 'they' say a lot of things and 'they' are always wrong. I am thinking of changing the moniker of the blog as it seems to have become a talisman. IE I called it the Upsetter after my old fanzine, which was named after my favourite Reggae artist Lee Perry who was called The Upsetter. But it seems to have come true I've just upset people. Many of my friends no longer call or text or email. So with all this in mind I've thought about calling the blog "Mike who gets to sleep with loads of page three models" or "Mike who has oodles of sex, fun and money." etc etc You get the picture. A change of name to bring a change in luck. Maybe I'll leave it the same? You decide dear reader. I went to a branch of my old store recently to buy all the crap I forgot to buy in the week and an old colleague who told me to appply for a job with him. Nice to be wanted I suppose? Anyway it's something to keep in mind. I'm begining to settle down in my new position and company though. I still have the little black puppy following me around everywhere. But it resembles a chihuahua rather than a great dane as it did over all that business last year (which still hurts like a bastard). Still it's all character building I suppose? I must have one hell of a character then. I keep running into old colleagues a lot recently. First it was James, then it was old thingy with her baby, she must have finally had success with the turkey baster full of sperm, and the other day I saw some girls who went onto bigger and better things but I couldn't be bothered with saying hello due to being a miserable cuss that day. Due to the fact that KFC only gave me one small paper napkin and no moist wipe and so I was fighting a losing battle with rapidly disintergrating fillet tower burger which consisted mainly of mayo it seemed and wouldn't have been a pretty sight looking like a teenager who'd just popped his zits. Plus the table behind had one of those families on it who seemed oblivious to the fact their offspring was climbing all over the place and glaring at me as if it was my fault that the child was coughing all over my head. (resigned sigh) Then I run into a man who I used to work with who stutters but every stutter is filled by the word 'actually'. So the conversation was at least twice as long as it should have been but still thankfully short. My unnasailable position as world's greatest Uncle is still intact however on a brighter note. As a Christening present I bought My Niece a Fifi & The Flowertots cuddly thing that sings a lullaby when it's tummy is squeezed. It was nice to hear a "Tankew Muckle Mickle" down the phone (she can't say Uncle Michael awww bless she's only thirty two as well). A very excited Nephew is expected as soon as his Star Wars duvet arrives from the Good Ol'U.S.A of A in a week or so's time. I am great aren't I? It's a pity I can't impress this on the ladies however. But, I will have revenge... once I win the Lottery. I'm going to go nuts in the style of that president of one of those made up name countries that end in 'Ikistan'. I'm going to have a rather large golden statue on the roundabout opposite my old employer's building with it's middle finger raised in defiance with a note saying "ha ha I'm rich and you ain't". I will resist the temptation to rename days of the week after my mother like President Mental did as I don't think anyone is going to want a calendar that says "Ginger bitch day" on it.
Here's the music for you. Firstly we have a shedload of old vinyl that I found in the charidee shops recently for ten pence a piece. And a Madness vinyl bootleg what I've converted to MP3 for you. (actually the first time I've ever played it too.) Right I'm off to enjoy the Bonfire night ambience by opening all the curtains and windows and putting Conflict:Vietnam on my PS2... and remember Charlie Don't Surf..... This is the end my beautiful friend... the end...."Bournemouth....Shit Still in Bournemouth."
Track listing in comments